


divergence

by juneses



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Canonverse??, Established Relationship, M/M, future fic?? probably, right people wrong time, soft angst, this is kind of angsty
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-03
Updated: 2019-11-03
Packaged: 2021-01-21 03:21:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 887
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21292793
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/juneses/pseuds/juneses
Summary: Renjun knew that this was bound to happen, sooner or later. Everyone told him about this before. To get to his dreams, some sacrifices are needed.Or alternatively, Renjun and Jaemin talk about their future.
Relationships: Huang Ren Jun/Na Jaemin
Comments: 1
Kudos: 22





	divergence

  
This moment was almost inevitable. Renjun dreaded it, but he was not surprised to see this coming. The moment the management decided to launch his career in China as one of their frontliners, Renjun knew that there were things that he had to give up.

To gain what he wants, there are things that he must be willing to lose in exchange. He knows this as much - sees this in dramas, hears this from the adults around him.

And Renjun, slowly, but surely, has been giving things up. His place at the dorms when the company decided to buy him one in China when he started to get more activities. His usual nightly calls to his parents when his busy became so packed, the only time he has outside for work is spent on sleeping.

Renjun has been losing so much and every single time, it grows in importance, Renjun knew that this was going to happen.

He wonders, barely, if he should have rejected Jaemin when the younger boy confessed to him a few months back. Maybe then, this moment would have never hurt.

But all his thoughts are pushed back because Renjun returns to the reality to the sound of Jaemin’s voice, of his appearance, sitting on the bed.

“If I ask you to stay,” Jaemin is not looking at Renjun - instead, his eyes were on the floor, “would you?”

“If you ask, I will.” Renjun says this and he’s not just saying this because he wants to comfort Jaemin - not even out of guilt because of the fact that he had barely been trying to make the relationship work in the months when he had been especially busy.

Renjun means it. Jaemin was important to him - beyond important - and if Jaemin really wanted, Renjun would stay. But -

“But if I do stay,” Renjun says this and this time, it was him who was trying to hold back his tears, “I might end up hating you for not letting me go.”

Renjun means this too.

He’s not too hopeful to think that love would win over everything. Sure, he’ll stay for Jaemin because he loves him, but that will not stop him from getting sleepless nights - thinking about missed opportunities and the future that he could have gotten.

“I’m fine with you hating me,” Jaemin looks up now and there was a smile on his lips, sincere though sad, and he takes Renjun’s hands in his, intertwines their fingers together, and he adds, “But I will never forgive myself if you started hating yourself because I wanted you to stay.”

That was all Renjun needs to hear so he breaks down.

In the back of his mind, he wonders if he was being selfish. This was his dream since childhood - he worked hard for it and he thinks he deserves to go after it. But even though that was a fact, Renjun still feels bad - guilty - because in the process of reaching for his dream, he will have to let go of other things.

Of people.

Of Jaemin.

“I’m sorry,” Renjun whispers it and he tries to take his hands back from Jaemin’s, “I’m really sorry.”

Jaemin’s smile was too bright - too blinding, and he just shakes his head, “No, I’m sorry for wanting you to stay when this is what you’ve always wanted.”

He stands up and this time, it was him looking down at Renjun and not the other way around, “If we’re meant to be, then things will work for us, right?”

“You’re being too hopeful.” Renjun tries to berate him but his voice lacks the bite for it.

“I’ll wait, Renjun.” Jaemin gives him a kiss on his forehead and he pulls away. Every second seemed like minutes, like hours, and he was looking at Renjun like he was memorizing every detail of his face.

And maybe he was.

“I’ll let you go and chase your dreams,” Jaemin is trying too hard to look strong for him and it makes Renjun want to cry some more, “But I’ll also wait for you to come back to me, when you’ve accomplished everything you wanted to accomplish.”

And then, he lets go.

Renjun has half the mind to touch Jaemin, to hold onto his hand - but he doesn’t. He doesn’t know what to do - so he doesn’t do anything.

“I’ll go back to my room first,” is what Jaemin finally says and he walks away.

A part of Renjun wants to go after him - to ask him to take back his words. But Renjun stays rooted on his spot.

He’s on a crossroad now and since the beginning, there was a path that he wanted to go to. Jaemin - as much as Renjun loved him, loves him - is but a detour.

So even when his eyes tear up and he feels his heart break in ways unimaginable to him, he stands his ground.

A part of Renjun hopes that Jaemin could be right. Their relationship has no way of working at the moment.

But maybe, just maybe, when Renjun has finished what he wanted to finish, maybe it can be the right time for him and Jaemin to try again.

His phone buzzes, bringing him back to reality and Renjun can only smile wryly when he sees that it was from their manager.

**Author's Note:**

> this had been sleeping on my drafts for so long.... kinda angsty but also hopeful. which, speaking of, is also my state of mind re: renjun and china activities. oh, what i’ll give for the boy who lights up the world to have promotional activities in china


End file.
